Adventures of the Samster's mom

Mid-life crisis?

2008-09-24T12:40:00.002-05:00

Do women have mid-life crises? Apparently it's a proven fact that men do. They put on toupees, buy convertibles, have affairs, etc. What about us? Isn't it bad enough that we have to have periods, PMS, bear children and go through menopause?

Of course, you can look at a mid-life crisis as a good thing or a bad thing. It can be good, because it certainly looks like fun, doesn't it? Bad, because it's frustrating and unsettling and can sometimes really upset or ruin your family. True?

I don't consider myself anywhere near mid-life, but I'm definitely going through something. All through my high school and college years, I strove to be the woman in the power suit and running shoes. I was going to live in a big city in a fantastic apartment and have a powerful job.

Here I am, still in West Virginia, living out in the sticks. I'm a soccer mom with an SUV, a mortgage and unfortunately a job that I hate. I didn't used to hate it. I used to have fun at it. Even through all the political bull shit we endured here, I still enjoyed what I did.

I don't enjoy it anymore.

Ever since Sam was born, I wanted to be a SAHM. It's not even about that anymore, especially because he is in school now. It's about doing something I enjoy. It's about doing something that makes a difference in someone else's life. It's about doing something with meaning and purpose.

I don't mind work. Lord knows, Dad instilled that in me a long, long time ago. I just want something different. I tell friends that and they say to apply for another job. Well, that's just the same old same old. Same shit, different day and I don't want any part of it.

So what do I want to do? Oh, I know what I want to do. I've talked about it for a couple years now. The big question is: Do I have the balls to go out on that limb and take a risk? I think I do, if I just had Ron's support.

He's too worried about the bottom line and doesn't want to accumulate any debt after I quit here. I can understand that, but he doens't understand how unhappy I am. I'm not in a better mood ever than when it is 3:30 on Friday because I know I don't have to think about this place for a couple days. Sunday afternoon, I start getting bitchy because I know Monday is coming.

I just feel like you have to sacrifice sometimes for you happiness. I just wish he would take this little leap with me.

Busy weekend

2008-09-22T10:02:00.004-05:00

Wow. Our weekend was full! Our special Friday night activity was carving pumpkins and this bad mommy didn't get any pictures. I'll try to take one tonight. The pumpkin we did turned out great. A girl in the neighborhood wouldn't believe that we had actually done it ourselves until she saw our mess! LOL

Saturday morning was the soccer game. Sam, unfortuantely, is a follower and does so much better when he has stronger players on his team.... Lord, that child is just like me. Ugh! How do you teach a child to be a leader when both parents are mealy mouths?

When we got home Eric had already dug the ditch for the new drainage line. WooHoo!!! I'm so excited to see this job and done right. Despite the fact that we've already spent thousands to do this very thing, hopefully it will get done right this time.

We had tie-dye birthday party Saturday afternoon. That was... interesting. That mother is definitely braver than I am. LOL

Sam enjoyed working alongside Eric. Hopefully he was a help and not a hindrance.

Too cute! He and Dad would have had a BALL together! Life just isn't fair sometimes.

Sam got to go to Lowe's with Eric and Haley and Daddy Saturday night so he was all excited!

Sunday started with a trip a grocery store. Then, another birthday party. Sunday afternoon and evening were again fill with Sam following Eric around the yard mirroring his every move.

I finally snapped some pictures of Sam in his glasses. You can tell that he is none too happy with me taking them, but I just had to!

We came, We saw.... We cried

2008-09-17T12:05:00.001-05:00

So, we are about a month into kindergarten and, this morning, there were still tears. It truly is breaking my heart and I just don't understand it. Out of all the "worst case scenarios" I could come up with involving Sam going off to kindergarten, separation anxiety was NOT on the list.

We actually had two good days this week. Psst, it's only Wednesday! LOL I really thought we were over the hump and there would be no more tears.

Of course this morning the schedule was all off because of the selling of the yo yos from The Ned Show, which is an entirely different story. And we all know that the Samster is a definite creature of habit and as soon as he gets used to the morning routine, they throw a cog in the wheel and change it on him!

I'm hoping for an uneventful evening and an early bedtime... for both of us!

You can let go now

2008-05-20T13:35:00.002-05:00

Wind blowin' on my face
Sidewalk flyin' beneath my bike
A five year-old's first taste
Of what freedom's really like

He was runnin' right beside me
His hand holdin' on the seat
I took a deep breath and hollered
As I headed for the street

Chorus
You can let go now,
DaddyYou can let go
Oh, I think I'm ready
To do this on my own
It's still .. it still feels .. a little bit scary
But I want you to knowI'll be ok now,
DaddyYou can let go

I was standin' at the altar
Between the two loves of my life
To one I've been a daughter
To one I soon would be a wife
When the preacher asked,'Who gives this woman?'
Daddy's eyes filled up with tears
He kept holdin' tightly to my arm
'Till I whispered in his ear

Chorus
You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Oh, I think I'm ready
To do this on my own
It's still .. it still feels .. a little bit scary
But I want you to knowI'll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go

It was killin' me to see
The strongest man I ever knew
Wastin' away to nothin'
In that hospital room'
You know he's only hangin' on for you'
That's what the night nurse said
My voice and heart were breakin'
As I crawled up in his bed, and said

You can let go now, Daddy
You can let go
Your little girl is ready
To do this on my own
It's gonna be a little bit scary
But I want you to know
I'll be ok now, Daddy
You can let go
You can let go- Crystal Shawanda

Wow. I heard this song on the radio the other day and had to pull over I was crying so hard. I know my dad was a monster during his last several years and sometimes he was a monster before that.

I lived in the shadow of "the other shoe" because we were always waiting for it to drop. Although I was always under the threat of that shoe, there were times when it felt like I had a "daddy" and not a "father."

He could be light and funny. He could be the stereotypical tough guy dad like meeting my prom date at the door, gun in hand and a couple day's worth of stubble on his face. That wasn't impromptu. He had planned it, which meant he was thinking about me and how to make that night more memorable for me.

Was he at every Friday night halftime performance? No, but mom says he came to a lot of them. Was he at every Black Knight Revue? Nope, but he did watch my parts on tape. He was right there at senior night, though. He was in pain because of his back and didn't feel like being there, but there he stood with my name hanging around his neck presenting me with a flower when my name was called.

But those damn strokes took every bit of the good part of him away from us. All we had left was the bad and the bad was worse than it was before. He was a shell of himself at my wedding. He didn't have any idea what was going on.

Can you imagine how he would have been if he had been in his right mind? Can you imagine him in the bride room or in the vestibule right before we walked down the aisle? He couldn't even walk me down the aisle! He had to wait on me at the end and didn't really understand what he was doing there. He would have made that day even more special for me because no matter what happened, I was his Princess and that's just the image I was going for on my wedding day... before the strokes. He didn't get the symbolism after.

I have friends, a couple almost twice my age, that still have their parents. I have friends that bitch and moan about their parents stopping over unannounced. Do you know what I would give for the "old Dad" to stop over unannounced right now? He would walk in, sit down for two minutes and then announce, "Let's go!" He would be joking, though. That was Dad.

We didn't get to bid him a proper farewell because of how he was at the end. We had to watch him deteriorate into a stuttering, stumbling shell of a man who used to be the strongest man I knew. He was a "man." The kind you could threaten your boyfriend with if he treated you wrong. The kind that would change the oil in the backyard, change all 4 tires on your car, mow the yard, prune a tree, paint the fence, then come in for lunch.

In the end, he couldn't even walk across the floor on his own.

He could do all those thing and he could turn right around and scream and cuss and make you feel like the smallest, most worthless piece of shit that ever lived on the face of the earth. Sometimes he would try to make it up to us, sometimes he wouldn't. I didn't appreciate the good times because of the looming memory of the bad times. I wish I would have taken more time to relish in the good. The badminton games, the vacations, the Sunday drives, the pearls of wisdom he tried to communicate, the endless talks of "the good old days," the Christmases he tried to make special.

Instead, I waited in silent pause for that other shoe to drop. I hated that shoe. Sometimes it fell on one of us kids, but most of the time it fell on mom. She bore the brunt for all of us. She is living her freedom now. But, damn, if she doesn't still feel guilty for it. We wonder if he will forever have a hold on our minds. We wonder if we will ever be free from his criticism.

Right at the time I think I'm ok with everything, I hear a song like the one I quoted above and I get mad all over again. Why was I cheated? Why didn't I get my dream wedding where I got to wipe a tear off my daddy's cheek? Why didn't I get to join in the laughter when my daddy wouldn't let go when the preacher asked "who gives this woman?" Why didn't I get to dance with my daddy in the spotlight at my reception?

There's a whole lot about all of this that I just don't understand and wonder if I ever will. What was he saying that last day in the hospital? He was saying something. Why couldn't I understand him. I'm the one that is the most like him. Why couldn't I get what he was trying to communicate. He was trying to get up, did he have enough strength to make it if we would have left the vent on for just a bit longer? The doctors say no, sometimes my heart says otherwise.

Does he know we did everything we could? Does he know that we did what we thought he would want us to do? He gave that rose to mom at the funeral, I truly believe he made that happen. Does that mean that he sees now the hell he put her and us through? Is he sorry?
I've been typing and typing and it's all very choppy. I don't know how to end it, so I'll just end it and hope that I find peace with all of this very soon.

Day 4 of the Robertson Disney Vacation

2007-06-29T08:59:00.000-05:00

Ok, Day 4, EPCOT day. The thing I was MOST looking forward to at EPCOT was Soarin'. I was soooo excited to ride this ride. We, of course, had to take some pictures first.

Then Sam and I made a beeline for Soarin'. He wasn't too excited about it because it was an indoor thing, which immediately convinced him it wouldn't be fun. Because of my lifelong desire to skydive or hand glide, this was an almost religious experience. I know that sounds so corny, but it was so realistic. The sights, the sounds, the smells even. It was very cool.

After having ridden it, I knew Ron could handle it so we went out, got him and went back in. Sam took his shoes off this time and loved it! LOL He said the trees tickled his toes. LOL Ron really liked it too. He was hesitant at first, but once he relaxed he liked it.

Because I've waited so long to blog about this, I can't really remember anything in the proper order. I know, bad me. Anyway, I know we rode Test Track a million times that day. We all really enjoyed that one.

Then the one and only Kidcot station we did was in the gift shop at the exit of Test Track... see? There they go again with these friggin gift shops at the end of ride queues.

Much of EPCOT was simply in the atmosphere, which Sam did not appreciate very much. LOL Spaceship Earth was closed for refurb so we didn't get to go in there.

Then it was time for Mission: Space. I was also VERY excited for this because of my childhood dream to be an astronaut. I remember those days so vividly. I was going to be the first woman on Mars, I just knew it. The day the Challenger fell out of the sky changed my life. I figured that on Mission: Space I could experience just a taste of what I was missing.

Because Ron and Sam also wanted to ride it, we rode the Green side (no spinning). I became a little weary when I saw that even this side came equipped with barf bags, but I was still ok. It was very cool. The graphics were great and the fact that it was interactive really drew you in as "passengers." Sam was so excited to be "Commander Sam!" When we got off, I told Ron, "Ok. You know I have to go ride the orange side now. I just have to." He shook his head and said, "I know. Go on."

Off I went with confidence. Never have I gotten sick on a ride. Never! I've ridden the biggest and baddest of amusement park rides and never so much as a stomach flutter. This was going to be noooo problem.

They put me in the space pod with a father and his two daughters who were probably 7 or 8. It started... 10..9...8...7...6...5...4...3...2...1... BLAST OFF!!! Spinning, spinning, spinning... Oh good Lord, what is that pain on my chest? Get this elephant off my chest! No! Don't turn that way! Don't bounce! Why are those asteroids in my way?! Why aren't these little girls terrified??? Ok, we're in orbit. It's calmer now. Pain in my chest has subsided somewhat. C'mon Sarah. You can do this! It's no big deal. Besides you've got no way out now. You are stuck for the entire 3.5 minutes of hell. Oh dear God, we're heading for the asteroid belt! The bouncing! The spinning! The jerking! The pain in my chest! Can't close my eyes. Can't look away. Lieutenant Dan said not to in our pre-flight instructions. Must focus to keep from.... ...... I really need to reach for a barf bag. I think I might lose it. BAM! We finally landed on the surface of Mars. Pain in my chest has subsided again; however, breakfast is quickly on its way up. I strain to reach a barf bag. The giggling little girls in the pod with me aren't giggling so much now, are they? I didn't lose it, thank GOD! Just thought I was going to.

Dear God, thank you for putting me back on stable ground. They opened up the pod to let us out and I couldn't move. I swear I don't think I have ever felt so bad in my life. I was completely disoriented, my legs and arms were like spaghetti. I very slowly made it through the corridors back to the exit. Dayum! Those corridors were like a mile long. The father and the girls kind of stayed with me to make sure I got out ok. Sweet, but annoying because they kept talking to me and asking questions.

Once outside, I sat on the fountain and put my head between my knees, using my trusty barf bag to fan myself with. A portly gentleman, smoking a cigarette comes over. He doesn't speak to me, but to Ron and tells Ron to tell me to breath into the bag like I am hyperventilating and that should take some of the nausea away. I complied and it worked a little bit. I'm telling you, I have never felt so bad in my life. I just didn't feel.... "right." you know? We sat there for a good 20-30 minutes. Thankfully, there was a fountain and space for Sam to run around and play or he would have been mega upset at this crimp in the plans.

We had early, early dinner reservations at Coral Reef that I was sooo looking forward to. I told Ron we could go ahead and go but I probably wouldn't be able to eat very much. He didn't want me to have to do that so we cancelled our prize dinner reservations and moved on. *sigh*

We went on the Nemo ride, which was pretty lame in my opinion, but my head was still spinning for my space capers.

After Nemo we looked around in the aquarium area waiting on Turtle Talk with Crush to begin:

We even found Nemo, if you look veeerrrrry closely:

Turtle Talk with Crush was absolutely hilarious!! I could have done that 10 times in a row! Sam sat up front and was just mesmorized by Crush! We have it all on video and I'm so glad we did.

Then, on the way out, Sam got eaten by Bruce the Shark.

Past the Nemo Pavillion area, there was this great grassy area with flowers where people were walking, sitting, lying down and kids were playing. It was a beautiful green space in a sea of concrete:

Sam played in there with some kids for a good 20 minutes while I made new dinner reservations.

After playing we began making our way to Germany to go to the Biergarten for dinner. We saw some pretty cool stuff along the way:

Belle and the Beast:

Snow White and some dwarfs

Banzaii exhibit:

I've never seen a place make impatients look so beautiful. Pictures do not do it justice:

Rafiki and Simba:

Dinner at the Biergarten was ok. I wasn't crazy about the food, but I still wasn't feeling 100% either. The absolute best part was when the little polka band invited all the kids out on the dance floor. It was a freakin hoot!! I have it on video too, but I can't seem to get it posted here. If anyone would like to lend assistance, I would be VERY grateful! My baby was out there just shakin his booty. He didn't care who was watching. He didn't care who was around. He was free and loving life. It seriously brought tears to my eyes watching him.

We decided to make this a little bit of an early night because we had had a very late night the night before and were planning on a late night the next day... did that all make sense?

Anyway, on the way back to the front, Sam (and Daddy) had to play in a few of the Cool Zone areas.

A few pictures on the way out and we were on our way back to the hotel. I LOVE Sam's eyes and expressions in this series of pictures. They crack me up every time I look at them.

And thus ends Disney Day 4 in the Robertson's Disney Adventure. I don't have a sleeping picture of the boy because he stayed awake this time. LOL

Disney Day 3 - MGM and Magic Kingdom

2007-06-14T13:40:00.000-05:00

Day 3 of the Robertson Family Disney Adventure was supposed to be spent at Magic Kingdom, but I just had a feeling about MGM so we changed our plans up a bit and went there.

I'll tell you up front, this post will be VERY heavy on pictures. This was our busiest day at the World. We did a TON of stuff but had oh so much fun!

Off to MGM!

YAY!! We're at Disney! LOL The photographer told us to do that... Sam wasn't too sure.

When we got there and looked at the Times Guide, we saw that Mater and McQueen were supposed to do their meet and greet in an hour or so. After asking about 5 people where exactly they would be, we wandered around the immediate area for a bit taking pictures and such.

As we passed one intersection, I looked down the side street and saw a sight that truly took my breath away.

Isn't it beautiful? That's just a wall. Completely flat. I had to touch it just to convince myself. I don't know why I was so entranced by this, but I stood there and stared at for what seemed like forever.

Sam waited long enough for me to take a picture:

Then he was off to find Michelle.... think Michelle Tanner on the old sitcom Full House.

Then we found Herbie the Lovebug... Sam tried to get in and drive:

Then we happened upon the Singin in the Rain umbrella. I hadn't heard about this so it was surprise to me when Ron stepped underneath it. LOL Sam thought it was very cool.

Mom had to play, too:

Sam had never seen a phone booth before so he was intrigued.

We figured we had wasted enough time so we went back to "San Francisco" to wait on Mater and McQueen. We met another family there that were waiting as well. We were the only two families on the street. They said this was their 3rd time trying to meet the Cars without a wait of a couple hours so they were staying put! LOL Sam and the other kids played on these cute brownstone houses they had set up just like in San Francisco. MGM was a really neat place to see.

Anybody home??!!

Guess not... I'll just chill out here and wait on them...

It wasn't too long before we heard the music and engines revving and here came the Cars!!

It took me a loooong time before I could make Sam understand why Mater and McQueen couldn't sign his autograph book. He was convinced that because they could do stuff in the movie that they should be able to sign his book. Oy.

Can you believe that after that other family had waited so long and we had waited there about 30 minutes that people still tried to jump in front of us. I even had heard one family speaking English to each other but when they tried to jump in front of us and the other lady said no, they acted like they didn't understand English? Unbelievable!

So, I figured we were done meeting characters for right then and we were on our way to the Tower of Terror!!!!

Ummm, nope! We rounded the street outside of San Francisco and it looked like a freakin street fair or something. There were Power Rangers everywhere!! Sam doesn't even know what a Power Ranger is, but by God, he wanted his picture with them. It was too funny. Now these guys were as serious as a heart attack while doing their poses and stuff.

Wait? How'd that go?

I got it now!

No problem with this one!

Now what was that again?

Ok, if you say so...

I think this guy was his favorite.

After all the meet and greets it was totally time for Tower of Terrorrrrr!!!!! I was SO looking forward to this ride and I honestly thought Sam would chicken out, but he didn't! We used a LOT of our Disney mantra, but he made it through and still says that this ride was his favorite part of Disney. It was awesome, too! It was everything I expected and more. Disney not only makes the actual ride a ride, but the queue is an experience as well. It's just unbelievable.

In the gift shop at the exit of ToT:

Just whose idea was it anyway to make the exit of a ride queue go through a freakin gift store? I mean, are you kidding me? There's absolutely no way to avoid it. To exit the ride area, you must go through the gift shop. Oy.

Next was lunch at Toy Story's Pizza Planet... Thank GOD the arcade portion was closed for refurb. We may have never gotten out of there!

And this was just a beautiful hibiscus I saw while walking through the park:

Then it was on to Al's Toy Barn to see about Buzz and Woody. We found some interesting stuff along the way:

Sam was so stoked to meet Buzz and Woody. They didn't sign autographs but they had stamps they used to put their names in the autograph book.

We wandered our way back through the park and stopped and watched some of the street performers on our way out. At this point we went back to the hotel for what I hoped would be a nap, but it turned in to pool time. I knew we had a long evening ahead of us and I was hoping he'd get some rest... no chance of that! LOL Mom was outvoted!

Our first of two character dinners was scheduled for this evening: Chef Mickey's. We honestly did not know what to expect. I, of course, feared the worst. I feared us not being able to eat because we were standing in line the entire time to get some face time with the characters... Not so. The characters are the ones who go from table to table. It was buffet so Ron would go first and get food for him and Sam. Then I would go and get my food and anything else I saw for them that I thought they might like. We didn't want Sam to leave the table for fear that he would miss a character. It was actually very nice and very enjoyable. Yes, it was louder than a normal restaurant would have been but it was so much fun! We had a ball!

Goofy:

Mickey:

Minnie:

Donald:

You're funny, Donald!

Pluto:
He puts the autograph books on his nose to sign them.

I'm sure Sam is explaining something to him. LOL

Dancing with Minnie:

She liked his dancin'!

The view from our table:

Dessert:

From there I guess we were gluttons for punishment because we then took the monorail to Magic Kingdom until it closed. I had originally planned on having an early evening, but Ron and Sam got their second winds... I figure it was all those chocolate Mickey heads they ate at dinner! LOL

The castle at twilight:

Sam on the teacups:
Weeeeeee!!! This is fun!!!

Whoa mom, that was fast!

And thus ends Robertson Disney Adventure Day 3. Shhhhhhhhhh.......

He was asleep before we even got on the bus this time.

Disney Days, May 17 - Animal Kingdom!

2007-06-05T07:29:00.000-05:00

Day Two of the Robertson Disney Adventure began with a trip to the Animal Kingdom. I knew the two biggie "to do" items here included the Kilimanjaro Safari and Expedition Everest.

Kilimanjaro was first because I had heard that the line gets worse throughout the day and that you should go first thing because the more animals will be out earlier in the day. Off we go!

I started off trying to take pictures, but this guy wasn't slowing down for anything! Ron took over the still camera whilst I took video. You ride in these safari jeep looking things and they are driving down these bumpy roads and through streams and such. Sam didn't want to go at first, but thought it was the coolest thing ever within just a few minutes. On the video you can hear him say several times, "Mom, isn't this a cool safari?" like he's been on a hundred of 'em.

Out of the pictures Ron was able to get, here are some of the better ones:

There's a monkey in this one, sort of in the center to the right of the picture on one of the rocks:

Elephants!!

Meerkat Manor:

During the ride, the guide is talking over his radio and it's on a speaker so the entire jeep can hear... Anyway, he's talking with this guy and they get all excited about a runaway elephant and poachers and all sorts of stuff to make you feel like you are really on a safari adventure. Corny for adults, but soooo fun for the kids. Sam talked about those daggone poachers all day. LOL

Then, after much convincing we went on the Pangani Exploration Trail. We kind of breezed through it because Sam was none too interested. He wanted to get on Expedition Everest!!!

He was pretty much bored with this until we got to the gorilla exhibit.

They were behind glass, but Sam was still a little skiddish.

On the way out, you crossed this bridge and could see the gorillas without the obstruction of the glass. This one was just sitting there minding his own business:

A lady that was standing beside us and I were joking about he was just completely oblivious to us standing there. I jokingly said, "It's probably a Cast Member in a gorilla suit." And this is what happened next:

And he like laughed. It was hilarious!!! Everyone on the bridge just about lost it! LOL

On to the Mountain!!! On to Everest!!

This is the smoothest roller coaster I have ever been on! It was absolutely awesome! No jerks, no headaches, no whiplash! Smoooooth as silk! Sam loved it too! I had prepared him for the shadow of the Yeti, but neither of us were prepared for the real Yeti!! I was trying to hold his hand and comfort him as we went careening straight for the snow monster! So, here I am, holding his hand trying to make him feel safe and I'm screaming my head off, "It's ok! AAHHHHH!!! It's ok!! AHHHHHH!!!" LMAO

We probably rode Everest twice or maybe three times before lunch. Then right before lunch we rode the Kali River Rapids. Very cool, very wet. I have to say that it wasn't a lot different than the white water ride at King's Island, but Sam enjoyed it and it was all part of the experience.

At some point, I don't remember when we saw DeVine. I totally wasn't expecting her. We were just walking from Everest and saw a small crowd gathered and there she was.

It was just mystical to stand there and watch her. Sam was captivated. I don't know what drew her to us, but she came over to us and made an arch with her body. The Cast Member that was with her said she wanted us to walk through. Very cool experience.

We just had sandwiches at some sidewalk vendor in the park. Then we went on to Camp Minnie Mickey to meet some characters. He really hadn't gotten to meet any characters yet and what better way to get acclimated than to start with the biggies, right? LOL

On the way we found these guys. I know one of their names is Baloo because that's what he signed in Sam's autograph book, but I don't know who the other one is. Someone said they are from the Jungle Book?

We started with Donald. As you can see, Sam's not too sure about all this yet.

But by the time we got to Goofy, we was feeling much better about the whole thing:

Now on to Minnie Mouse:

And the big guy!

I have to say that was such a cool experience seeing those characters through Sam's eyes. He was absolutely mesmorized by them and watching him interact with them was just so cool.

After that, we went to see It's Tough To Be a Bug. Sam was bummed because it wasn't an actual ride, but he thought it was cool nonetheless. Here he is in his bug 3-D glasses.

After that, we did Expedition Everest again. Lines were not bad at all. Stand-by postings said it was a 20-30 minute wait, but it was 10-15 tops.

Then we found the Winnie the Pooh meet and greet area. We knew we would be seeing them later on in the week at Crystal Palace, but Sam was on a roll!
Waiting...

Bear hug:

Eeyore

Tigger signed his book upside down... Silly Tigger! LOL

Lastly, on to DinoLand USA where we met T-Rex, whoever that is. LOL

Here we rode the Triceratops Spin a few times and watched Primevil Whirl. Both Sam and I really wanted to ride it but it had a 48" height requirement and he's only up to 45" or so.

Also at some point we went to the new Nemo show. Sam was NONE too happy with that. It was just a show, no interaction at all. It was a cute show, but he was ready to get outta there. He was tired and hot and he had no interest in watching shows. LOL

On to dinner at the Maya Grill at the Coronado Springs resort. We both had shrimp cocktail for appetizer. I had filet mignon, garlic mashed potatoes and grilled veggies for dinner and creme brulee for dessert. Oh.My.God. The food was wonderful!!! We were like three stuffed turkies rolling out of there!!

We decided to do some shopping at the resort before we left. We just needed to be on our feet for a while to digest. Here's what Sam found and no, we didn't buy this stuff. LOL

Then, we hear all this commotion and a man with a Mexican blanket over his shoulders and a big 'ole sombraro comes over to Sam and hands him a tambourine and tells him to follow him. We look up and this man has a line of kids behind him in a little parade. Sam joins in and had a blast! They paraded through the gift shop, lobby, restaurant. It was great! Then, he got a little certificate for his participation in the parade... Hmmm, I haven't scanned that in yet. I better do that later.

And thus ends Day Two of the Robertson's Disney Adventure... Thanks for reading!!

Disney Days May 16

2007-05-30T14:19:00.000-05:00

We awoke at 4 a.m.... Yep, you read it right. 4 a.m.! Ron and I got showers, woke Sam up and got ready to hit the road. Sam was a little disoriented, but cute and excited nonetheless.

On to the airport... I had explained several things to Sam about being on planes and their rules and going through security and having to take off our shoes and all that, but I had failed to mention one very important piece of information.... His blanket must go through the security thingie along with everything else. It took several minutes and several things going through the screener and coming out on the other end to convince him that he would, in fact, see his prized blanket once more.

He did great on the plane. I made sure he was chewing gum and put EarPlanes in just to ward off any potential ear pain. On the way to Charlotte he mostly talked and colored and talked and looked out the window and did I mention that he talked a lot? From Charlotte to Orlando, he watched Spongebob. All in all, both flights were successful.

Here are Ron and Sam waiting in the Charlotte airport for our flight to Orlando:

It's a shame I don't have video of Sam on the people movers in the Charlotte airport. He thought those were the coolest things since Spongebob Gogurt! He would have gone down every terminal if we would have let him!

And here is Sam on the plane coloring... You can see his ear plugs sticking out of his ears. LOL I told him he only needed them for take off and landing but he insisted on wearing them the entire time. :)

We got to the Orlando airport and it was like mass chaos in that place! Little to no signage on where to go or where to pick up transportation. But we made it to the Disney Magical Express area and waited in line... The first of many lines, but I guess you have to expect that.

We had a little bit of a wait for our bus, but it wasn't too bad. Then... the bus driver from hell. He was nice enough and courteous and informative enough but he said some things that reeeeeeaaaalllllyyyyy put a new spin on our vacation. He told the kids on the bus that Mickey Mouse had 3 rules for children at Disney World. He said that we were going to Mickey's place and had to follow Mickey's rules. Okaaaay...

Rule #1: Kids have no bedtime.
Ok, I can get with that one. We obviously weren't trying to keep a strict schedule that week anyway.

Rule #2: Kids can eat dessert first. And, if they want to have ice cream for every meal, they can.
This one wasn't too earth-shattering either because I knew Sam wouldn't do it. Yes, he would have more sweets than usual, but he's just not addicted to sweets like some kids can be so I wasn't really worried.

Rule #3: Kids are in charge.
WHAT??? Did you really just say that to a bus full of children and tired parents? What a maroon! I could have ripped that damn drivers vocal cords right up outta his eyeballs. Honestly, I really didn't think that much about it when he first said it. I just thought, "Oh, how cute. The kids think they are in charge." I didn't think about it much until the first time I tried to get Sam to stop doing something (picking up the hotel phone receiver and pushing buttons willy nilly) and he retorted with, "Mickey said that I'm in charge!"

Oh dear God, we have created a monster... and this sadistic bus driver didn't just say it once, he just kept repeating it and giving scenarios that the children could best use their new found sources of power over their parents. I heard it over and over again that week. I swear I dreamed of the many, many ways I could hurt that bus driver if I ever saw him again.

Anyway, enough of that.

It's a pretty good drive to the hotel, so we are ready to get off the bus when we pull in. We go in to check in and they have a little area set up with a small movie screen and little theater seats and a little stage area for the kids to play in. Ron checks in and made sure we were in the Buzz Lightyear building. I think Sam would have been heartbroken had we been put in another building.

First things first, RC car from Toy Story:

Sam was just amazed with our room. "Look! We have a phone!" "Lookie! A TV! We can watch TV! I wonder if Mickey has Spongebob on his TV" "Look at the bathroom, mom! The sink is outside the room!" LOL It was quite funny.

We wanted to hit Magic Kingdom first because I just didn't think Sam would really feel like he was at Disney World until he saw

He was in absolute awe of that castle... As was I. I have to say, it's pretty magical walking down Main Street with that sight on the horizon; however, the damn stroller getting caught in the trolley tracks were enough to drive even the most patient person insane! LOL

The kid wanted a roller coaster so we rode Big Thunder Mountain Railroad and he loved it! Ron even rode it and he loved it too! It was a lot of fun, especially being able for all 3 of us to share in it together. I often feel so bad because Ron isn't able to ride a lot of stuff. I feel like he is missing out on some of the best parts which is watching Sam react to the ride and its surroundings.

Then it was on to Splash Mountain! I had showed Sam this ride online so he knew it was themed around Brer Rabbit. We've been watching the Brer Rabbit movie a lot lately and he was so excited!

He LOVED Splash Mountain. He just giggled the entire time! There were a couple of dark parts that could have been a little scary, but we just repeated our Disney mantra: Mickey Mouse would never do anything to hurt me. I had warned him previously that some stuff might be dark or loud or even scary, but that Mickey would never do anything to hurt him so he didn't have to worry or be scared. It worked like a charm. Anytime anything was dark or scary, he would take my hand and say, "Mickey would never do anything to hurt me. Right, mom?" I would squeeze that little hand and reassure him that he was right.

After Splash Mountain it was time for dinner at Tony's Town Square Restaurant in Magic Kingdom, with a quick stop off to visit with Goofy outside. This thing had a motion sensor in it so every time you got close to it, Goofy would talk to you. Fuhreaked Sam out the first time it happened. LOL

Dinner was delicious!! Ron and I both had artichoke and spinach dip for an appetizer. I had the beef and spinach cannelloni for my entree and some to die for cheesecak thing for dessert. It was really good!

After dinner, Ron and Sam took a spin on the cars; however, I couldn't seem to get a good picture of them so here is one of Sam in the car outside the ride.

And then on to Buzz Lightyear's Space Ranger Spin which was a huge hit for all of us. It was really fun!

And is my little guy completely and totally tuckered out after his big first day at The World...

Second day to follow soon...

Preschool art show

2007-05-24T12:40:00.000-05:00

Each year, Sam's preschool has an art show displaying collections of art from each student that they have done throughout the year. Sounds simple enough, right?

These people really do it up right! They have classical music playing, spotlights shining on the walls, white tablecloths, greenery, sparkling grape juice and red grape juice served in little plastic wine glasses. It's a hoot!

And here is Sam and his little girlfriend. Oy, that is a whole blog entry to itself right there! He's crazy about this little girl and she's just as crazy about him it seems.

And here are two of our favorite people in the whole world: Sam's teachers. These two ladies have been so wonderful with him and it's a shame he won't have them again next year! Mrs. Stevens and Mrs. Porta.

Crazy mixed up day

2007-05-24T12:33:00.000-05:00

Sam's preschool had crazy mixed up day and he was quite excited to participate. We spiked his hair, put his shirt on backwards, zipped only one leg off of his warm up pants and put on two different socks. He had so much fun with this!

Just have to get this out

2007-05-04T13:20:00.001-05:00

I'm sure I'm going to ramble, as I usually do, but I'm just seething inside and I don't know what to do about it.

Sam blurted out while playing with Will that I said Will was crabby. Well, of course, Heather was there. I scolded Sam because I did not say that. I wouldn't say something like that in front of him. I couldn't even think of the situation that he was talking about. Once Sam described in more detail though (later when we were inside), I remembered that we were driving up in the car and Will was out playing. We stopped to talk to him and Will wouldn't talk to him or said he didn't want to play with him or something. Once we drove away, Sam asked "Why doesn't Will like me?" I assured him that Will does like him. I told him that everybody has bad days and can be crabby sometimes and maybe Will was just having a bad day. Translated into Sam speak: Will is crabby.

It concerned me, though, because Heather was right there and she's sensitive about Will anyway because of the sensory issues he has been having. I've been very sympathetic with her about them, helping her research and doing some research on my own... and I've made Sam take a lot of crap from Will because of it. I mean, my kid is laying there at night asking "Why doesn't Will like me?" All the while, I'm trying to convince him that Will really does like him without divulging anything about his sensory issues because God knows I don't want him blurting that out in front of a group of kids.

Anyway, after the day that Sam said that, Heather wouldn't even talk to me. We went up there to play one day and she just bold turned around and took the boys in the house. I cried all the way. I had honestly forgotten about that conversation because I knew I hadn't said it in the way Sam had communicated it and I thought I had communicated that to Heather. Apparently not, because she blatantly avoided me on several occasions after that.

Well, one evening I had had enough of the junior high BS and walked up there while she was outside. I said a couple things to her and she was being quite cold and I asked her point blank if she was upset with me over something. She said, "Not upset, my feelings are just hurt." I asked what about and she kind of laughed and said, "Oh, you know." I honestly had no clue because like I said, I had forgotten about the crabby comment.

She said she was upset over that. Well, what I should have done is been flabbergasted that she was still holding on to this, gathered up Sam and went home. Instead, I stood there for half an hour explaining and re-explaining the context of what was said and making apology after apology. She begrudgingly forgave me, but continued to act a bit standoffish.

In my eyes, this has ruined what friendship we did have. How can she trust me again when she has convinced herself that I talk smack about her son? I'm not sure what will happen in the future. I obviously can't let Sam go up there and play by himself and I can't stop him from going up there. He loves to play with those boys. I guess I'll go and watch him, but just stand off to the side, or send Ron.

This just brings back bad memories of the whole issue with Misty. I mean, she stiffed me out of a $75 concert ticket and somehow I'm the bad guy. She acts like I have the plague now. I thought at first maybe she thought I was the one mad at her and maybe, possibly, she might have felt some sort of guilt or remorse for doing something so shady. But now, I just think she can't stand me and has a new group of idi... people to hang out with.

So, what is my problem? I have no friends. I keep in contact with absolutely no one from high school; exactly one person from college; and have no tried and true IRL friends. I have a couple of people here at work. I have several very good Internet friends, several of whom I've met in person and I love dearly although I wonder if they would continue to be my friends if we lived closer and they knew me better. I mean people I can call up and go to dinner with or grab a drink with.

All my life, people have this preconceived notion of me that I am outgoing, outspoken to the point of abrasive... all of this sometimes before I even open my mouth. In truth, I am shy, backward, terrified of confrontation and excessively concerned about what other people think and say about me. And I mean excessively.

Yes, I am sarcastic. Maybe I should give that up. It's a total defense mechanism though. I don't even know who the real me is because I am constantly putting up a front to gel with whomever I am with. Except it's obviously not gelling with ANYONE because I have no friends.

I guess I should just not worry about it and stick to myself. I wanted so badly though to be friends with the parents of Sam's friends so we could do things together and sit together at events and such. I guess I can still do that, though, but be more of an acquaintance than a friend. I guess I make a better acquaintance than I do a friend. People at work that just pass me in the hall and exchange niceties, from what I understand, think I am a very nice person. It just seems that once someone gets to know me very well, they don't like me. Hell, most of the time I think Ron just stays with me because he thinks he doesn't have any other option.

I know this all sounds like one big fat pity party, but this thing with Heather has really thrown me for a loop. She is the first person in a long time that hasn't made me feel inferior, fat, stupid, etc. and now that's gone. I want to go yell at her and say "how could you believe a four year old when I explained the situation to you!" I did NOT call him crabby. I was trying to explain to MY four year old why he is constantly rejected by this other child. I was trying to explain that Will really does like him, when in fact, I really believe he doesn't. I was trying to explain to my son why Will will play with Darren and not him.

No one reads this and that's ok. I hope getting some of this out will stop the thoughts from running through my head constantly and maybe now I can get some sleep.

Flood!

2007-05-04T09:49:00.000-05:00

We knew we were testing our luck living in the 100-year flood plain; however, we didn't think it would happen so soon!

Thankfully, no one was hurt and it didn't get into any of the homes in our subdivision, but it did shut down travel for a couple days.

Sunday afternoon (4/15/2007), I sent Ron and Sam to Wal-Mart to pick up a few groceries... and so I could get some cleaning done while they were gone. They'd been gone about 15 minutes and Ron called. I just figured he had forgotten something that I had told him. He said they had been driving around the neighborhood and that we were flooded in.

WHAT??? It had been raining for a couple days, but I never expected for the river to flood. So, they picked me up and took me out to show me.

This picture is taken from the entrance to our subdivision, looking left toward Route 214. This one is on Little Coal River Road down by the stables.

This is the drainage culvert running through our subdivision.

And this is directly across the street from where the previous picture was taken... the empty lot that the contractor is still trying to sell! LOL

And this is Sam giddy because he is getting to ride in the front seat of the car while we look at the flood water.

My buddies

2007-05-04T09:45:00.000-05:00

Sam's goal at the Easter Egg Hunt this year was not to get the most eggs... It was to get his picture taken with the WQBE Rabbit! The rabbit is the mascot of a local country station that Sam and his babysitter (and, consequently, Ron and I have to now) listen to. And we made sure it happened! Twice even!

Coloring Easter eggs

2007-05-04T09:30:00.000-05:00

First he had to help me boil them...

Then it was time to dig in!

Concentrating...

And then Teagan joined in the fun!

Thin Skin

2007-04-03T09:02:00.000-05:00

So fragile is the heart of a love struck 4 year old.

Don't most boys think girls have cooties by this age? Not mine! He wants to share sitting space, and tell secrets to and sit around and think about girls... two in particular. One at his preschool and one in our neighborhood.

The one at preschool, I don't much have a problem with. She's younger than him by a few months; however, the one in the neighborhood is 8! Yikes! An older woman! I'm afraid this one might break his heart one day, it's so easily broken right now. At this point, she just giggles at his advances which amount to high fives and sitting beside her at popsicle time. As time passes, though, she may decide he's more annoying than cute.

Last night he ran out to the street to say hi to one of his neighborhood friends and came back in tears. When I prodded to see what had happened, he said that she didn't let him say hi to her and she said she hated his shirt. I can't imagine this little girl saying that, it just doesn't seem like her. I told him that sometimes people say things we don't like and we just have to learn to deal with that. Maybe she was having a bad day, maybe she didn't feel well. After some more talking, he jumped up and said, "MOM! I've got it! Maybe she didn't have a good nap today!" LOL Whatever works, son.

As much as it breaks my heart, I realize my son will have his feelings hurt from time to time in life. That doesn't make me stop wanting to lock him in the house and protect him forever, though; however, I know I have to teach him how to deal with life's little disappointments... and sometimes life's big disappointments... but how?

First sleigh ride

2007-02-22T21:16:00.000-05:00

Yes, my poor deprived child has never been sleigh riding. It was honestly too dangerous at the other house and he was really too young. And last winter, we really didn't have enough snow to go sleigh riding... Not so this year!

Walking to the neighbor's house...

I was freaking out (on the inside) the first time he went down the hill. I was afraid he would get scared and try to get up halfway through the hill.... When I heard him giggling the entire way, I knew he'd be okay. LOL

The newest couch potato

2007-02-22T21:13:00.000-05:00

Sam has just recently started actually paying attention to TV and sitting down and watching shows. Before, the TV would be on and he might pay attention every few minutes, but he was always engaged in something else

Well, now.....

Working hard or hardly working

2007-02-22T21:10:00.000-05:00

He found this office set at Target one day and it was so danged cute I just had to get it for him. It has everything, right down to business cards, name badge, fake doughnut and a picture frame!

Checking his messages...

Returning calls...

Iritated because I was taking pictures of him "at work."

More Clay Center fun!

2007-02-22T20:50:00.000-05:00

Sam has absolutely fallen in love with the Clay Center. Of course, I should have taken him there MUCH sooner, but I knew the crowds would drive both of us crazy. Now that the novelty has worn off for the public, the crowds are not so bad now.

Ahhh, the treasured ball pit! They've pretty much taken these out of any and all play areas around here simply because... well, they are disgusting. However, I know for a fact that this thing is cleaned quite often and is closely monitored. It has a bucket on a pulley thing and I swear he could have stayed there all day.

He buried his friend Connor!

Then they threw balls at each other. LOL

... getting them all set up correctly...

This thing is cool!

Playing in the water area. This thing was a pulley that collected water in old army boots and dumped it at the top... Again, he could have stayed there for hours!

The "water wall" as he called it.

Drying off after playing in the water area...

Gooooing up!

See anyone familiar in the TV on the left?

Giving a very serious news cast. It was everything I could do not to crack up laughing. He was dead dog serious giving a news cast complete with weather, traffic and the day's events. He's so cute I can't stand it!

We were in the cafe and some clowns were going around doing magic tricks and he just absolutely refused to even look at them. It was sad and cute all at the same time.

Sharing popcorn with Connor

My funny Valentine

2007-02-22T20:40:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture from his first Valentine's Day. He was almost 5 months old.

And here is where we are now... my funny, lovable Valentine. I couldn't be more blessed.

Feel the THUNDERRRRRR!!!!!!

2007-02-06T14:38:00.000-05:00

Ron and Sam went to the Monster Jam monster truck show this past weekend! They had a blast! Of course I equipped them with the headphones you wear while shooting guns and ear plugs. LOL I'm just a little overprotective. LOL

But, of course, Sam didn't think he would need them.

Well, ok, maybe I'll just hold them....

Or maybe.... yeah, I think I need them...

I also got them Pit Party Passes which meant that before the show they could go down on the floor and talk with the drivers and see the trucks up close. Sam thought he might be able to get into one of the trucks, but his main concern was that he get to kick the tires... he's aaaaallllllll about kicking tires nowadays.

Here he is with a couple more trucks.... and his goofy smile. LOL

And my favorite picture of all... This is just typical Robertson behavior. LOL

I want to help!

2007-01-21T20:31:00.000-05:00

As a parent have you ever thought you would hate to hear the words, "I want to help," from your child? It's not that I hate the words necessarily, but I do dread them.

At first, it was cute and a photo opportunity. Awww, Sam is helping mommy cook, vacuum, do laundry, put away clothes, load/unload the dishwasher, clean the floors, pick up the house, set the table, whatever. Now, that he is an invincible four year old, he thinks he can do it all without any help whatsoever.

And if I try to stall him or get him interested in something else so I can get whatever I need to do done.... WATCH OUT!! the proverbial crap will inevitably hit the fan. Can I punish him just because he wants to help out? That doesn't seem quite right. I'd be cutting my nose off despite my face if I did that, wouldn't I? However, I know that by the age where he can really do some good, he won't be so eager to help out.

I didn't get to complete one task this weekend that I didn't have "help" on. I know what you are going to say, "Give him something just to keep him occupied. Let him wash measuring cups in the sink or fold washclothes... something of no real consequence." Yeah, well, he sees right through that!

I guess I should be happy... but what I wouldn't give to be able to fix one dinner or do one load of laundry to completion alllllll by myself.... I know I'm going to eat those words in a few years.

Christmas pictures.... Finally

2007-01-12T10:36:00.000-05:00

Ok, Yep, I've been pretty lax in giving our Christmas update. So, here goes.

Here's Sam opening his Woody from Toy Story:

Now what should I open??

Pizza Hut stuff! This kid LOVE to run a restaurant!

Rudolph!!

Puttin' on a show...

All the loot...

Stocking...

What do I play with first?

Playing with Buzz Lightyear parking garage...

And Sebastian was none too impressed with any of it. LOL

NYE 2006

2007-01-08T14:03:00.000-05:00

We invited TT and Teagan over for NYE since Terry was at the bowl game. Everything was fine until about 11:30 when Teagan started screaming. Bless her heart, nothing would soothe her. At about 2:30, Terasa decided just to go ahead and take her home.

First we had to open presents... no, we don't do NYE presents too. We just couldn't seem to get together before Christmas so we waited until NYE.

He finally got Sarah and Sam!! He was so excited!!

Clothes? Who invited these people??
What do you mean "good things come in small packages"??Oh boy! Oh boy ! I get something too???And Teagan with her most favorite present... a little riding horse just like Cousin Sam's.

Game time!! Teagan wants to play with the doggie so badly, but then is none too pleased when he does this and wants to lick her. LOL Mmmmm, Cousin Sam was right... These things are pretty tasty!

15 years and still going strong

2007-01-08T08:51:00.000-05:00

No, it's not Ron and I that have been together for 15 years. 15 years ago I was graduating high school... Oy, did I really just admit to that?

Anyway, 15 years ago today Ron received his lifesaver. He received his kidney and islet cell transplant. To celebrate, as we usually do, he has Krispy Kreme donuts waiting on him in his office (as does his entire division) and we will have filet mignon for dinner. The filet is because he was only allowed very limited protein portions while on dialysis so we always have a big ole steak on this day!

Before I met Ron, I wasn't really sure of my position on organ and tissue donation. I kind of thought that God put me on earth with these organs and that was the way I was leaving. But once I met and fell in love with Ron I realized that I would not have this man if it weren't for someone's decision to donate their organs and tissues. Had that woman not checked that box on her license and let her family know of her decision, I wouldn't have had to privilige of meeting Ron. Yes, unfortunately, someone had to die for Ron to live, but that woman helped 22 people post mortem. That's amazing to me.

What's even more amazing to me is that I couldn't see the benefits of organ donation before. My entire family have changed their minds concerning donating their organs. My dad's excuse was that he had so many things wrong with him, they wouldn't be able to use anything anyway. Not true, you have skin don't you? They can use your skin for skin grafts for burn victims and victims of other injuries and maladies.

One point though, checking the box on your license and carrying an organ donor card is important; however, that is not your last line of defense. Your family members can override your decision once you have passed. Please let your family members know of your wishes and have them written in a legal document. It would be a shame to miss out on these opportunities because of a simple lack of communication and understanding.

I'm not posting this as a soapbox for organ donation (no one reads this anyway). It's just my way of reminding myself how lucky I am to have been given the opportunity to have Ron in my life. We live under a constant tension of what "could happen" or what the future holds... how long will it last? Will we be able to find another one? But we can't dwell on those questions. We dwell on the fact that he is happy and healthy today and that's really all we can ask for.

A Difficult Realization

2007-01-06T22:15:00.000-05:00

We went to see Disney on Ice today and had a really good time. It was a good show with lots of special effects.

At intermission, I was standing up stretching and doing my usual people watching and I saw Mindy and Tyler, with the two grandmothers. It was really good to see her out and about. It took her a while to see me although I wasn't making any motions or anything for her to see me... just standing there still looking around. She smiled and waved, but that was it. I didn't expect much more as she was pretty far into her row and I wanted to let her make the first move.

Afterwards, our two groups ended up at the same souvenir stand. I didn't even realize they were there until I felt a hand on my shoulder and it was Mindy. She said, "I swear I'm not trying to avoid you. I'm just afraid that if Tyler sees Sam, it might spark some sort of memory." I assured her that I understood and not to worry about it. I told her how good she looked and gave her a quick hug and she made her exit.

After that conversation, I came to a difficult and very disheartening realization... we're never going to be friends. Our children are never going to be friends, unless they meet up in middle or high school and take it upon themselves. When Mindy sees me, memories of what was to be with her husband come to her. It would do nothing but hurt her to be friends with me. It's such a shame too because Sam and Tyler got along so well and played so well together... and Mindy and I really had a lot in common and enjoyed each other's company. Tyler would never be able to come to our house and play because Mindy doesn't want him in the neighborhood for fear of what he might remember... and she will never come in this neighborhood again. I don't blame her. I don't know how I would be either.

Every time I pass their house, what was supposed to be their house, I get the most horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. We had already planned poker nights and play dates, shared babysitting and cookouts. We were so looking forward to them being here and one night of utter stupidity changed all that. I can't even begin to imagine what Mindy goes through every day because her last words to Steve were not nice ones. He died thinking his wife was leaving him and taking their son.

It just hit really hard today when it finally occurred to me that we were just never going to be close like we had been and our boys would never be playmates... at least not now. I feel an obligation to her for some reason. I want to help her, but I just don't know how. I don't even know how to have a normal conversation with her anymore. How can I just say, "How ya doing?" to someone in her situation? I can't. Does she remember that night when she sees me or talks to me? We weren't there in the end, but we had been with them for several hours that day.

Sometimes I just wonder what motivation God has for doing things. I know that we are given choices for our actions, but ultimately God has control, doesn't he? When things like this happen, I just don't know anymore. What purpose, what good did it serve to strip this woman and this child of their husband and father? In the end, who benefitted from that? Because I can't see one person that did.

Now I don't know whether or not to email her anymore, to send anymore packages to Tyler or to try any contact with her at all. I just want to help her and support her, I don't want to hurt her. I just don't know how to do one without doing the other.

Clay Center fun

2007-01-05T13:12:00.000-05:00

We finally took Sam to the Clay Center... we are such bad parents. LOL We only went to see the Elmo:The Body exhibit, though because it ended at the end of the year.

He thoroughly loved this thing!! I am so sorry we waited so long to take him. I should have known! His absolute favorite parts were the grocery store and the poop machine. I mean, c'mon, what kid wouldn't love a poop machine?

Here he is talking to Elmo (or some other such character) on the phone.... Whew! Did my baby need a haircut or what???

And here he is (another day, still needing a haircut) doing an interactive activity about the body.

The beloved grocery store... He just loved that place. It truly is a shame that the Clay Center does not have an area like this all the time. He could, and did, spend HOURS in here!

They also had a little sandwich shop where the kids could don aprons and make "sandwiches" for whomever happened to be sitting at the luncheon counter. The sandwich fixins were made of wood with a hole in the middle and there were "plates" with a wooden rod standing up on them, and that was how they made the sandwiches. Sam really liked it here too, until he figured out that the cash register didn't work and then the magic was gone. *shrug*

And heeeere's the Poop Machine.

Now, this thing was truly digusting. First of all, it made disgusting gutteral noises of which I'm sure you can imagine. Then, in that little window (you can see the top of the little window right about his badly needing a hair cut head) was poop. It would move like on a little vertical conveyer belt in that little window.... And there was one part that that diiiidn't quite fit through the hole and it would smush and squeeze until it made its way through. I'm telling you, I just about lost my lunch when I saw that thing.

And I just love the face he's making in this one.

Bright light! Bright light!

2007-01-03T12:54:00.000-05:00

I feel like a gremlin that can't look directly at bright light.

Somehow, in a family not plagued by headaches, I have become the recipient of some terrible, spun with evil gene that causes headaches. Not just your run-of-the-mill, "Oh dear, I might have a touch of a headache. Two Tylenol will surely cure it," headache. Nooooo, that would be too much like right. I get the, "Oh my God, is my brain on the outside of my head; stop poking me in the ear with that icepick; I think I'm gonna be sick; turn all the lights off and shut up; take two of my best 'knock me out' pills, put an ice bag on my head and die" headaches, aka The migraine!!!

They are brutal, they hurt, they make me sick and it seems like I get them alllllllll the time! Yes, I've been to the doctor, to the neurologist, to the physical therapist, to the gynocologist (I know, wrong end, but I'm desperate!) to the chiropractor.... any other questions? They all say the same thing.

The same stupid looking shrug and they write me another prescription for a medication that does nothing but knock my butt flat out. Now, when I was single with no children that wasn't a problem. Now, I have a husband who expects certain things.... oh don't go there, get your mind outta the gutter. And a son who expects mommy to be "on" all the time... and I want to be "on" for my son, but these headaches are absolutely debilitating. I have a high tolerance for pain and I can work through a LOT. I was raised with the mantra, "You do what you have to do," and I live that way now; however, if you've never had one of these God foresaken things, I'm sorry, but you just can't relate.

Ok, I'll stop bitching now.... mainly because I'm probably about to go home, use up some sick leave just to take some medicine, knock myself out and sleep it off. Oy.

To Soap or Not to Soap

2006-12-28T11:21:00.000-05:00

That is the question I've been debating with myself for a little while now. Do I punish my son's backtalking and disrespect with a little taste of soap or is that cruel and unusual punishment?

Granted, he's only 4; however, the things that are coming out of that boy's mouth are reminiscient of me as a teenager. In fact, I don't even think I had the balls to say this stuff as a teenager.

Somehow, and God I wish I knew how, my parents instilled the fear of God in me to obey what they said. Well, I know how my dad did it and I won't go into that, but how did my mom do it? Was it the looks? Because I can only think of twice that she ever laid a hand on me. Was it the tone in her voice?

I've tried time-outs. I've tried spanking, which I swore I would never do. I even smacked his little face a couple times, which has left me with nightmares I would just as soon forget. He seems scared to death of the soap option, but he still continues to smart off. Sooner or later I'm either going to have to shit or get off the pot here. The empty threat is soon going to be realized and have no power... of course, if he is continually doing the behavior then I guess the threat is in fact empty.

Last night, after several threats to go get soap, I ran upstairs with him hanging onto my shirt tail begging me not to get it and that he wouldn't be mean anymore. I trucked on to the linen closet and came out with a bar of soap and kept it beside me for the rest of the evening. Granted, he acted a little better, but it just pisses me off that I had to go get it in the first place.

I know that part of this behavior is the holidays and his schedule is all off, but I can't blame it all on that. I've decided to not do a whole lot about it right now, just try to survive; however, once the New Year is here and the house is put back to normal and he is back on schedule................. things are gonna change.