Mid-life crisis?

Do women have mid-life crises? Apparently it's a proven fact that men do. They put on toupees, buy convertibles, have affairs, etc. What about us? Isn't it bad enough that we have to have periods, PMS, bear children and go through menopause?

Of course, you can look at a mid-life crisis as a good thing or a bad thing. It can be good, because it certainly looks like fun, doesn't it? Bad, because it's frustrating and unsettling and can sometimes really upset or ruin your family. True?

I don't consider myself anywhere near mid-life, but I'm definitely going through something. All through my high school and college years, I strove to be the woman in the power suit and running shoes. I was going to live in a big city in a fantastic apartment and have a powerful job.

Here I am, still in West Virginia, living out in the sticks. I'm a soccer mom with an SUV, a mortgage and unfortunately a job that I hate. I didn't used to hate it. I used to have fun at it. Even through all the political bull shit we endured here, I still enjoyed what I did.

I don't enjoy it anymore.

Ever since Sam was born, I wanted to be a SAHM. It's not even about that anymore, especially because he is in school now. It's about doing something I enjoy. It's about doing something that makes a difference in someone else's life. It's about doing something with meaning and purpose.

I don't mind work. Lord knows, Dad instilled that in me a long, long time ago. I just want something different. I tell friends that and they say to apply for another job. Well, that's just the same old same old. Same shit, different day and I don't want any part of it.

So what do I want to do? Oh, I know what I want to do. I've talked about it for a couple years now. The big question is: Do I have the balls to go out on that limb and take a risk? I think I do, if I just had Ron's support.

He's too worried about the bottom line and doesn't want to accumulate any debt after I quit here. I can understand that, but he doens't understand how unhappy I am. I'm not in a better mood ever than when it is 3:30 on Friday because I know I don't have to think about this place for a couple days. Sunday afternoon, I start getting bitchy because I know Monday is coming.

I just feel like you have to sacrifice sometimes for you happiness. I just wish he would take this little leap with me.