I want to help!

As a parent have you ever thought you would hate to hear the words, "I want to help," from your child? It's not that I hate the words necessarily, but I do dread them.

At first, it was cute and a photo opportunity. Awww, Sam is helping mommy cook, vacuum, do laundry, put away clothes, load/unload the dishwasher, clean the floors, pick up the house, set the table, whatever. Now, that he is an invincible four year old, he thinks he can do it all without any help whatsoever.

And if I try to stall him or get him interested in something else so I can get whatever I need to do done.... WATCH OUT!! the proverbial crap will inevitably hit the fan. Can I punish him just because he wants to help out? That doesn't seem quite right. I'd be cutting my nose off despite my face if I did that, wouldn't I? However, I know that by the age where he can really do some good, he won't be so eager to help out.

I didn't get to complete one task this weekend that I didn't have "help" on. I know what you are going to say, "Give him something just to keep him occupied. Let him wash measuring cups in the sink or fold washclothes... something of no real consequence." Yeah, well, he sees right through that!

I guess I should be happy... but what I wouldn't give to be able to fix one dinner or do one load of laundry to completion alllllll by myself.... I know I'm going to eat those words in a few years.

Christmas pictures.... Finally

Ok, Yep, I've been pretty lax in giving our Christmas update. So, here goes.

Here's Sam opening his Woody from Toy Story:

Now what should I open??

Pizza Hut stuff! This kid LOVE to run a restaurant!

Rudolph!!

Puttin' on a show...

All the loot...

Stocking...

What do I play with first?

Playing with Buzz Lightyear parking garage...

And Sebastian was none too impressed with any of it. LOL

NYE 2006

We invited TT and Teagan over for NYE since Terry was at the bowl game. Everything was fine until about 11:30 when Teagan started screaming. Bless her heart, nothing would soothe her. At about 2:30, Terasa decided just to go ahead and take her home.

First we had to open presents... no, we don't do NYE presents too. We just couldn't seem to get together before Christmas so we waited until NYE.

He finally got Sarah and Sam!! He was so excited!!

Clothes? Who invited these people??
What do you mean "good things come in small packages"??Oh boy! Oh boy ! I get something too???And Teagan with her most favorite present... a little riding horse just like Cousin Sam's.

Game time!! Teagan wants to play with the doggie so badly, but then is none too pleased when he does this and wants to lick her. LOL Mmmmm, Cousin Sam was right... These things are pretty tasty!

15 years and still going strong

No, it's not Ron and I that have been together for 15 years. 15 years ago I was graduating high school... Oy, did I really just admit to that?

Anyway, 15 years ago today Ron received his lifesaver. He received his kidney and islet cell transplant. To celebrate, as we usually do, he has Krispy Kreme donuts waiting on him in his office (as does his entire division) and we will have filet mignon for dinner. The filet is because he was only allowed very limited protein portions while on dialysis so we always have a big ole steak on this day!

Before I met Ron, I wasn't really sure of my position on organ and tissue donation. I kind of thought that God put me on earth with these organs and that was the way I was leaving. But once I met and fell in love with Ron I realized that I would not have this man if it weren't for someone's decision to donate their organs and tissues. Had that woman not checked that box on her license and let her family know of her decision, I wouldn't have had to privilige of meeting Ron. Yes, unfortunately, someone had to die for Ron to live, but that woman helped 22 people post mortem. That's amazing to me.

What's even more amazing to me is that I couldn't see the benefits of organ donation before. My entire family have changed their minds concerning donating their organs. My dad's excuse was that he had so many things wrong with him, they wouldn't be able to use anything anyway. Not true, you have skin don't you? They can use your skin for skin grafts for burn victims and victims of other injuries and maladies.

One point though, checking the box on your license and carrying an organ donor card is important; however, that is not your last line of defense. Your family members can override your decision once you have passed. Please let your family members know of your wishes and have them written in a legal document. It would be a shame to miss out on these opportunities because of a simple lack of communication and understanding.

I'm not posting this as a soapbox for organ donation (no one reads this anyway). It's just my way of reminding myself how lucky I am to have been given the opportunity to have Ron in my life. We live under a constant tension of what "could happen" or what the future holds... how long will it last? Will we be able to find another one? But we can't dwell on those questions. We dwell on the fact that he is happy and healthy today and that's really all we can ask for.

A Difficult Realization

We went to see Disney on Ice today and had a really good time. It was a good show with lots of special effects.

At intermission, I was standing up stretching and doing my usual people watching and I saw Mindy and Tyler, with the two grandmothers. It was really good to see her out and about. It took her a while to see me although I wasn't making any motions or anything for her to see me... just standing there still looking around. She smiled and waved, but that was it. I didn't expect much more as she was pretty far into her row and I wanted to let her make the first move.

Afterwards, our two groups ended up at the same souvenir stand. I didn't even realize they were there until I felt a hand on my shoulder and it was Mindy. She said, "I swear I'm not trying to avoid you. I'm just afraid that if Tyler sees Sam, it might spark some sort of memory." I assured her that I understood and not to worry about it. I told her how good she looked and gave her a quick hug and she made her exit.

After that conversation, I came to a difficult and very disheartening realization... we're never going to be friends. Our children are never going to be friends, unless they meet up in middle or high school and take it upon themselves. When Mindy sees me, memories of what was to be with her husband come to her. It would do nothing but hurt her to be friends with me. It's such a shame too because Sam and Tyler got along so well and played so well together... and Mindy and I really had a lot in common and enjoyed each other's company. Tyler would never be able to come to our house and play because Mindy doesn't want him in the neighborhood for fear of what he might remember... and she will never come in this neighborhood again. I don't blame her. I don't know how I would be either.

Every time I pass their house, what was supposed to be their house, I get the most horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. We had already planned poker nights and play dates, shared babysitting and cookouts. We were so looking forward to them being here and one night of utter stupidity changed all that. I can't even begin to imagine what Mindy goes through every day because her last words to Steve were not nice ones. He died thinking his wife was leaving him and taking their son.

It just hit really hard today when it finally occurred to me that we were just never going to be close like we had been and our boys would never be playmates... at least not now. I feel an obligation to her for some reason. I want to help her, but I just don't know how. I don't even know how to have a normal conversation with her anymore. How can I just say, "How ya doing?" to someone in her situation? I can't. Does she remember that night when she sees me or talks to me? We weren't there in the end, but we had been with them for several hours that day.

Sometimes I just wonder what motivation God has for doing things. I know that we are given choices for our actions, but ultimately God has control, doesn't he? When things like this happen, I just don't know anymore. What purpose, what good did it serve to strip this woman and this child of their husband and father? In the end, who benefitted from that? Because I can't see one person that did.

Now I don't know whether or not to email her anymore, to send anymore packages to Tyler or to try any contact with her at all. I just want to help her and support her, I don't want to hurt her. I just don't know how to do one without doing the other.

Clay Center fun

We finally took Sam to the Clay Center... we are such bad parents. LOL We only went to see the Elmo:The Body exhibit, though because it ended at the end of the year.

He thoroughly loved this thing!! I am so sorry we waited so long to take him. I should have known! His absolute favorite parts were the grocery store and the poop machine. I mean, c'mon, what kid wouldn't love a poop machine?

Here he is talking to Elmo (or some other such character) on the phone.... Whew! Did my baby need a haircut or what???

And here he is (another day, still needing a haircut) doing an interactive activity about the body.

The beloved grocery store... He just loved that place. It truly is a shame that the Clay Center does not have an area like this all the time. He could, and did, spend HOURS in here!

They also had a little sandwich shop where the kids could don aprons and make "sandwiches" for whomever happened to be sitting at the luncheon counter. The sandwich fixins were made of wood with a hole in the middle and there were "plates" with a wooden rod standing up on them, and that was how they made the sandwiches. Sam really liked it here too, until he figured out that the cash register didn't work and then the magic was gone. *shrug*

And heeeere's the Poop Machine.

Now, this thing was truly digusting. First of all, it made disgusting gutteral noises of which I'm sure you can imagine. Then, in that little window (you can see the top of the little window right about his badly needing a hair cut head) was poop. It would move like on a little vertical conveyer belt in that little window.... And there was one part that that diiiidn't quite fit through the hole and it would smush and squeeze until it made its way through. I'm telling you, I just about lost my lunch when I saw that thing.

And I just love the face he's making in this one.

Bright light! Bright light!

I feel like a gremlin that can't look directly at bright light.

Somehow, in a family not plagued by headaches, I have become the recipient of some terrible, spun with evil gene that causes headaches. Not just your run-of-the-mill, "Oh dear, I might have a touch of a headache. Two Tylenol will surely cure it," headache. Nooooo, that would be too much like right. I get the, "Oh my God, is my brain on the outside of my head; stop poking me in the ear with that icepick; I think I'm gonna be sick; turn all the lights off and shut up; take two of my best 'knock me out' pills, put an ice bag on my head and die" headaches, aka The migraine!!!

They are brutal, they hurt, they make me sick and it seems like I get them alllllllll the time! Yes, I've been to the doctor, to the neurologist, to the physical therapist, to the gynocologist (I know, wrong end, but I'm desperate!) to the chiropractor.... any other questions? They all say the same thing.

The same stupid looking shrug and they write me another prescription for a medication that does nothing but knock my butt flat out. Now, when I was single with no children that wasn't a problem. Now, I have a husband who expects certain things.... oh don't go there, get your mind outta the gutter. And a son who expects mommy to be "on" all the time... and I want to be "on" for my son, but these headaches are absolutely debilitating. I have a high tolerance for pain and I can work through a LOT. I was raised with the mantra, "You do what you have to do," and I live that way now; however, if you've never had one of these God foresaken things, I'm sorry, but you just can't relate.

Ok, I'll stop bitching now.... mainly because I'm probably about to go home, use up some sick leave just to take some medicine, knock myself out and sleep it off. Oy.