A Difficult Realization

We went to see Disney on Ice today and had a really good time. It was a good show with lots of special effects.

At intermission, I was standing up stretching and doing my usual people watching and I saw Mindy and Tyler, with the two grandmothers. It was really good to see her out and about. It took her a while to see me although I wasn't making any motions or anything for her to see me... just standing there still looking around. She smiled and waved, but that was it. I didn't expect much more as she was pretty far into her row and I wanted to let her make the first move.

Afterwards, our two groups ended up at the same souvenir stand. I didn't even realize they were there until I felt a hand on my shoulder and it was Mindy. She said, "I swear I'm not trying to avoid you. I'm just afraid that if Tyler sees Sam, it might spark some sort of memory." I assured her that I understood and not to worry about it. I told her how good she looked and gave her a quick hug and she made her exit.

After that conversation, I came to a difficult and very disheartening realization... we're never going to be friends. Our children are never going to be friends, unless they meet up in middle or high school and take it upon themselves. When Mindy sees me, memories of what was to be with her husband come to her. It would do nothing but hurt her to be friends with me. It's such a shame too because Sam and Tyler got along so well and played so well together... and Mindy and I really had a lot in common and enjoyed each other's company. Tyler would never be able to come to our house and play because Mindy doesn't want him in the neighborhood for fear of what he might remember... and she will never come in this neighborhood again. I don't blame her. I don't know how I would be either.

Every time I pass their house, what was supposed to be their house, I get the most horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach. We had already planned poker nights and play dates, shared babysitting and cookouts. We were so looking forward to them being here and one night of utter stupidity changed all that. I can't even begin to imagine what Mindy goes through every day because her last words to Steve were not nice ones. He died thinking his wife was leaving him and taking their son.

It just hit really hard today when it finally occurred to me that we were just never going to be close like we had been and our boys would never be playmates... at least not now. I feel an obligation to her for some reason. I want to help her, but I just don't know how. I don't even know how to have a normal conversation with her anymore. How can I just say, "How ya doing?" to someone in her situation? I can't. Does she remember that night when she sees me or talks to me? We weren't there in the end, but we had been with them for several hours that day.

Sometimes I just wonder what motivation God has for doing things. I know that we are given choices for our actions, but ultimately God has control, doesn't he? When things like this happen, I just don't know anymore. What purpose, what good did it serve to strip this woman and this child of their husband and father? In the end, who benefitted from that? Because I can't see one person that did.

Now I don't know whether or not to email her anymore, to send anymore packages to Tyler or to try any contact with her at all. I just want to help her and support her, I don't want to hurt her. I just don't know how to do one without doing the other.